Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Continued from here:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

A bear is taking a dump in the woods when he notices a rabbit hopping along, so he calls to the rabbit
"hey rabbit...yes you"
"hello mr bear, what can i do for you?" asks the rabbit
"do you find that poo sticks to your fur when you take a dump?
"no mr bear, it doesnt"
So the bear grabbed the rabbit and wiped his arse with it

Per Vol 1


Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent goes "Sean, I've
got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".

Sean furrows his brow and says
"Tennish? but I dont even have a racket."

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre

Why do Swiss cows have bells?

Their horns don’t work.

New volume so we can now repeat the oldies so what is brown and comes out of cows backwards.

The Isle of Wight ferry.

Apologies, can you post that again in a clearer format. I can't remember where my specs are. Magoo smiley

Walter took his wife Ethel to the air show every year, and every time he would say to her, "Ethel, you know that I'd love to go for a ride in that helicopter." But Ethel would always reply, "I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 pounds and 50 pounds is 50 pounds

Finally, they went to the airshow, and Walter said to Ethel, "Ethel, you know I'm 87 years old now. If I don't ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance." Once again Ethel replied, "Walter, you know that helicopter is 50 pounds and 50 pounds is 50 pounds"

This time the helicopter pilot overheard the couple's conversation and said, "Listen folks, I'll make a deal with you. I'll take both of you for a ride; if you can both stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say just one word, it's 50 pounds.

Walter and Ethel agreed and up they went in the helicopter. The pilot performed all kinds of fancy moves and tricks, but not a word was said by either Walter or Ethel. The pilot did his death-defying tricks over and over again, but still there wasn't so much as one word said. When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Walter and said, "Wow! I've got to hand it to you. I did everything I could to get you to scream or shout out, but you didn't say one word I'm really impressed!"

Walter replied, "Well to be honest I almost said something when Ethel fell out but, you know, 50 pounds is 50 pounds.

A terrorist goes into a pet shop and puts a bomb on the counter. He says “you have 1 minute to get out of here”.
The tortoise right at the back of the shop says “you bd”.