This week's Shed is coming to you from a converted gravel barge moored up on the Isle of Wight. That's where the Sheds like to go for their annual four-day holiday. Well, by ‘Sheds’ we mean Mrs Shed. She likes it because it takes her back to her romantic, soft-focus days as a Parkhurst prison guard.
Shed tries to get into the spirit of maritime life as best he can, usually with the aid of actual spirits. The results are predictably poor. On arrival at the barge this year his jovial shout of 'avast behind!' while Mrs Shed was bending over to tie up her bootlace did not go down very well, unlike Shed who did go down very well after a recriminatory tap on the noggin from Mrs S’s diesel saucepan. No sooner had he got to his feet than he was down again after groggily suggesting that she might like to pipe him on board.
Enough with the nauticals, let's set sail in this week's four-wheeled barge, a 2007 Volvo C70 2.4 Sport. Unlike the gen-one C70, which was Swedish through and through, the 2006-on gen-two model was built in both Sweden and Italy as a joint venture between Volvo and Pininfarina. The three-piece hardtop was made of steel and sat under an aluminium bootlid. Shed owned one of these C70s for a short time. Unfortunately he had to get rid of it quick sharp after he took the postmistress out to the multi-storey car park in it and forgot that he needed at least two metres of vertical clearance in order to secure a trouble-free erection.
As you can see from the ad copy, the vendors seem quite keen to get themselves somewhat further away from this car than that. Their disclaimer text will rile a few SOTW readers, but realistically eleven hundred and fifty quid doesn't get you much these days. There's no sign from the pics that the electric steel roof folds away, but then nor is there any sign that it doesn't. On the cheery if possibly incorrect assumption that it does, you’ll have 200 litres of cargo space with the top down and 404 litres with it up.
Luckily the bonnet does fold away, revealing the straight five engine that also saw service in sporty Fords like the Focus ST and RS – kind of. As those of you with a memory will recall, we had a Mondeo Titanium on here a couple of weeks ago with nearly the same motor in it. There it was the turbocharged B5254T3 producing 220hp. Here it’s the B5244, which means 0.1 fewer litres of displacement, one fewer turbocharger, ten fewer serial numbers and fifty fewer nags. Volvo did offer turbo'd T5 versions of the C70 with 220hp or 230hp which gave it 0-60mph times down in the low sevens.
In some markets you could even get it with a 250hp Polestar-tuned unit which must surely have dipped the car down into the sixes, but our non-turbo 170hp example is going to be lounging about in the nines. Naturally aspirated C70s like these tended to do the same sort of mpg as the turboed ones, struggling to shift what was quite a heavy car, so they were a slightly odd choice when new. Could be worse though, it could be a 140hp. And it could be worse than that if it had the power-sapping five-speed auto trans nailed to it.
Our Shed is a manual, which is a point in its favour. A point against it is the annoying £415 vehicle duty. The MOT history isn’t too scary though. Its next test will be due in September, one bald rear tyre having messed up last year’s inspection. That was sorted to get the ticket, but the advisories weren’t addressed at the same time. These included worn front tyres which will either have been replaced or will be even more worn by the passage of about 3,000 miles, a rusty but not weakened suspension arm, a front driveshaft boot that had seen better days, and a lightly oil-misted rear shock. Nothing too troubling really. What might be more worrying is this engine’s reputation for cracked plastic coolant hoses and (as you might expect) for roof mech failure, usually caused by dodgy hydraulics and/or busted microswitches. The door mirrors that let water gush into the cabin on the gen-ones shouldn’t be an issue on this car but don’t quote Shed on that.
As Troy Queef might have said, she won’t be a pin-sharp handler in the twisties, but the straight-five engine does mean that the unset-trifle wobble will be nicely offset by a promising (if not actually fulfilling) mechanical warble. Comfy cars though these, and strongly built too, so if you really must have an accident then this would be a good one to do it in. Ideally with the roof up.
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